Taking Weekend Tennis Seriously

This is a time capsule post, in which a year or two or five or ten years from now, I’ll look back at this person, shake my head side to side slowly with a wry grin and a knowing look on my face, and chuckle out, “Oh, honey.” Like you are about to.

Someday I’m going to be a more understanding person. I’m sincerely working on that. But before I’m lobotomized by society and I’ve stopped being the wildly entertaining person that I am right now, I’ll keep churning out these simply delightful posts in the meantime. I hope that’s okay with everyone.

Now I relate to this movie.

I don’t look forward to being older.

I don’t look forward to not playing tennis because it’s below 50 degrees. Because there’s such a thing as too. cold.

I don’t look forward to not playing at certain times because it’s too early, too hot, or too late.

I don’t look forward to not playing because it’s too windy.

I don’t look forward to not playing because it’s misting at the location I’m in. Never mind the fact that it’s not misting at the facility I’m supposed to be playing at, which nobody checks before calling the match off because clearly, nobody really wants to play tennis. Misting. It’s not even actual rain. But no, I’m older now. Tennis needs to be under perfect conditions for me to play. Because that’s how tennis is always played.

I don’t look forward to only playing two sets for a practice match. Because I believe that tennis consists of two, and only two, sets. Because that’s enough tennis for one day. Because two sets? Is all I can physically handle.

I don’t look forward to playing for fun for only a certain length of time (generally an hour and a half, which isn’t even long enough for most actual matches). Because that’s all I allotted for tennis and then there are all these other things I need to do but I agreed to play because I hadn’t played in over a week. Because it would be just super if I could squeeze in a workout. Boy, do I feel so much better after doing some physical activity! Thank you so much for asking me to play!!

I don’t look forward to not being able to watch my teammates play or attend non-playing tennis functions because I can only make time for tennis when I am playing.

I don’t look forward to not being able to do general tennis activities because of someone else’s schedule. Because that person demands I make time for him/her when he/she’s finally available for me. Because it’s important to just be around to serve at someone’s beck and call.

I don’t look forward to not being able to play because I need to chauffeur around and cook for my kids. Who don’t appreciate everything I do yet whine the second I’m not there. Because that’s what’s expected of me.

I don’t look forward to settling for the human being I’ve become. Because I’m no longer trying to be a better person.

I don’t look forward to having so much going on in my life that I can’t keep track of my schedule. And I’m habitually late to tennis activities. Or, I forget altogether. Or, I have to drop out at the last second when I’m reminded by the organizer what I agreed to do in the first place but now I’ve remembered a conflict. Because I’m too old to understand how to work the newfangled technology that exists to help me with just these sorts of things. And I feel no guilt. And I don’t get a sub. I just say empty words. Because I am just. so. pretentiously. busy.

I don’t look forward to match day being the only time I pick up my racquet. Because that’s considerate of me.

I don’t look forward to not being able to run balls down.

I don’t look forward to never being at this weight ever again.

I don’t look forward to all the injuries. That are starting to pop up now.

I don’t look forward to thinking that it’s too late to change my strokes.

I don’t look forward to not getting better at tennis. Because I can’t pick things up as easily as I used to. Because I’m not playing as much as I need to be in order to get better. Because tennis. Is no longer a priority.

I don’t look forward to not playing.

But I do look forward to being a wiser, craftier player. Who takes down the young, hotheaded hot shot who thinks she’s going to blow me out of the court with her one-dimensional groundstroke-heavy game.

I also look forward to finally being of age to play another USTA league that currently discriminates against me. Because of all the age groups, it’s the older crowd who should be playing more tennis.

And I definitely look forward to all the money I’ll have by then. That’s totally how that works, right?

Isn’t my outrage cute?

~ Christy Vutam